thats not true at all, it sounds like you're saying that because you want it to be true. again, no matter what has happened in your life, you can always change and you will always have the time to do so
in the end, no matter how you view yourself, at least know that i appreciate you and love posting with you, anon. you're here contributing to /c/ in mami's thread and that means a lot to me (i'm sure it would mean a lot to her as well!).