Much, much better flow from the original to this one. If is not too much of an annoyance, there are a few thing that could be pointed out:
1 - There is a piece of the sleeve in her right arm.
2 - Three pieces of her top still remain, as in;
2a - Above her left breast following the curvature of the breast. It looks like the purple shadow of the hair in the back but (on closer inspection) it is the black line of the top.
2b - The line of the top bellow her left armpit.
2c - In her hair there is a black line of the suspender.
Also, I noticed now that the weird thigh proportions are a problem of the original drawing and that it was obscured by the skirt so there is that line kind of proposing a more trimmed, slightly more accurate version of the thigh but that may be more subjective to each person.
And again, after saying all of that, thanks for taking on this one. You are in a good path.