If you're not spouting cum on a hair trigger, you basically aren't human. I'm a fucking machine, I have to be constantly drinking water so that I don't dry up from the sheer volume of my heavy loads. You think you're better than me? Women have to be careful not to literally drown when we're in bed. I'm proud to have installed the world's first sperm sewer. It makes cleaning up much easier. I can't sleep for more than two hours before my balls start hurting, I just need to keep fucking. I've had more children than all of the Greek gods combined, and in more countries than are officially recognized by the U.N. It's predicted that by 2200, half of the world's population will be able to trace their DNA back to me, and I'll have to fuck the other half to keep it safe. The government is researching ways to contain me, but so far they've all failed.