It boils down to one simple thing - how to be happy? Where do you get positive motivation, enthusiasm and passion?
I'm healthy, got well paid job, supporting family, good environment, but it still feels i'm missing something. Feels like i'm dead inside, just existing, acting solely on self-preservation instinct. Learning new things not because I would want to, but because I want to survive among competition.
Started exercising some time ago and I can see and measure the progress. Started hiking recently with an awesome hiking buddy. Wondering through forests and beautiful nature whole day, while encountering new people with similar hobbies.
Yet again it's just self preservation to start moving to slow the body deterioration and building new personal social networks.
All the stuff I once enjoyed fading gray. All my weaknesses staying one step ahead of me.
The worst part is the guilt. There are plenty of people which have it much worse than me, yet they remain optimistic, caring, pushing through...
Can't talk about this topic with anybody around me, because I feel even worse when I do. Just realizing hardship of others with which I could talk about these things makes me look like a whining baby. Talking openly about it makes me feel like a burden on their lives because the last thing they need is yet another bad/wrong/negative influence in their lives. How can I ever help anybody else when I'm unable to fix and keep myself together?
Keeping all of this to myself just fuels the loneliness. Thank you all /wg/ for letting me to have some space where I can dump these things out of my head.
....lol, whiny bitch filter on the server is on - taking over 10 attempts over 6 hours to send this