I have tried my best to make myself a life but its hard, its Like PTSD, I have to completely ignore my past, I manage to do this but starting from scratch is hard especially when the people you care about arent their to anaesthetize the pain. My gf left me, I had completelty lost myself. I see myself growing old now, I dont recognise the guy staring back at me, I am losing who I am, every day I stray away from a time that felt like yesterday.
Last year was the event horizon, my path has been set, I know my life will end in suicide, its just a matter of when, I am not upset per say, I am happy I have had the good times. I have felt what its like to love people and to be happy. I ,through choices, put myself upon this path. And I am going to see it through. I dont want to go really, but every day I get a bit more weary and fatigued by a tiredness that doesnt come from insomnia. A few of my friends have already commited suicide, some didnt make it out, and although its a small chance. I might just see them again, this time Im not going to let them go.