Anon I'll just tell it to you like it is.
You have been a loser for 21 years of your life. Cringey, Awkward, Beta, and afraid. However, You have a whole life ahead of you.
Stop Obsessing over some random woman.
Stop Obsessing over missed experiences.
Stop lamenting your failures and shortcomings.
Life is far too short to be worrying about such pointless things. All the things you want are within your grasp. There are 6billion+ people in this world. You think none of them think like you? Feel like you? They are out there, waiting to be found. Will you wait or will you seek them out?
Why do you let this random college girl, these random college people who you have no kinship with influence your life in any way?
Anon there is hope. You must create the future you want. Struggling, failing, crying, shouting -- it's all a part of life. It is what makes the happy moments so sweet.
I know what you feel like. I was bullied, neglected, alone, abused for the first 17 years of my life. College I was shy and afraid but I'd speak up. Try to make friends through my sweat and shaky voice. Eventually, it worked but I failed time and time again. After being a fuckup all my life I turned it around. I have a nice gf, I am a doctor in training, and I have a small circle of close friends but my thinking, my character was once much like you. Along the way I too failed, I too was put in these awkward normalfag situations, time and time again the world's weight crushed my shoulders and at the end of the day there were only two choices, give up or keep trying -- so I tried. Through it all you must try.
The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a man's heart.
Anon. Don't just lie down and die. The future is ripe like the fruit of a tree. Take it.