this summer, on one of the occasions where he dragged me out of the house by telling me everyone there would be people i knew and was comfortable with, we had a unexpected guest. it was a girl who i had never met before. we went to the same high school and middle school and i knew a bit about her through the grapevine, but i had never actually interacted with her before.
she didn't originally start there, we were actually at the house with a number of us for a few hours prior, and it was a really relaxing time. we had just gotten out of a jacuzzi and starting drinking casually, when one of the guys mentioned that one of their friends was coming over and said who it was. immediately, i felt myself tense up and become nervous at the idea that someone who i didn't know would show up when i hadn't prepared for it and was slightly inebriated. i started to shake a little bit and get jumpy, and refused to sit down. of course, i'd never want to be a bother or anything, but i just couldn't sit still.
when she walked into the house, i felt different somehow. it's difficult to articulate how exactly i felt differently, but i definitely felt calmer like something was telling it me was ok to trust her. it was extremely strange, and i'm not sure i can explain it better than that, but something i knew for sure was that it was because of her. this sounds fucking gay but i can't really deny the experience. out of pure habit, though, i still ended up keeping my guard up around her. it was only about 6 of us, but we ended up sitting around the dinner table and talking about literally whatever we wanted. it was so nice. although, at first, i still kept my guard up around her. i refused to sit with them (because we had to use a bench for 2 of us??) and i didn't want to be an inconvenience as, naturally, it sat us next to each other. i temporarily stopped being cringy af to sit down, realizing now that she is right next to me fired it back up, unfortunately.