I forgot to tell you all about it. I just have too many things on my mind lately. Also Ik'm a bit drunk.
So I told her everything. I told her I love her. I told her to leave everything she has. I told her that I would left everything I have in order to follow her. Kind of like in that last scene of Fullmetal Alchemist. But, she doubted. She told me that she needed time to think about it. On my mind that was the last chance she had. The last chance to redeeem for all her sins. If she would have told me yes directly, I would have forgotten everything she has done to me. But, she didn't. I guess she didn't want to loose anything, and ended up loosing everything. Kind of like me.
I had time to think. And so I realized that I hate her. That I cannot forgive everything that she has done to me. That if I were to date her, I would just make her miserable. And, of course, I love her. So I cannot stand to make her miserable.
I told her to forget about me. I told her that I don't want to know anything about her anymore. I told her to leave alone. I hope she can be happy without me. Even now, the last words she told me still resonate on my mind "...and that I love you".
Fuck my life.