I`m just going to cathariticallly ramble
Its coming up to the anniversary of a important point in my life. Its been a year since I had to leave my friends, the situation doesnt matter but it came and passed. Its rare if you find one person who you can say you loved, but several, I hit the jackpot. But it was short lived. The mental hospital discharged me. I had to leave and go somewhere else, They rushed me out and before I left the doors I looked at them, all sitting around a table, I said bye. That was the last time I spoke to them. The ones that havent passed away or still stuck in the system are living their own lives. All hate talking about the past and so mutually loose touch. If I were to list the best times of my life, being with them would be on the top spots, If I were to list my worst, the times I stupidally chose not to see or talk to them would be top.
I`m not usually the type to say stuff like this, I`m generally a hatefull person and I`m ok with that, but these people made me soft, I hope everyone gets a chance at feeling like that for someone. Reading this you might have automatically thought of someone, keep them close anon. Dont let them go.
I made mistakes, it made things worse and now they are gone for good out of my life. r9k jokes about loneliness a lot and I found them funny and relatable but this is so.. much more. I speak to myself.....I just need to hear a voice.
Sometimes I just imagine times we havent had together, I laugh at jokes not told, cry at stories not said and enjoy company not around.
It sounds pathetic, it is. I`m trying to put together my life again even a year after it all but nothing feels half as good. I think it might just be my time, I played my hand, the dice has rollen and I cant live like this anymore. I have a chance next week, my mind isnt made but a part of me thinks it is.
I wrote this just to get it off my chest, idk about replies. I hope things get better soon OP, good thread.