My best friend committed suicide in July after struggling with bipolar and schizophrenia coupled with a spice addiction. She helped me back from taking my own life years back, but I wasn't there for her when she needed me most.
I can't find a job locally to move out of my parent's house. To help them save money and not spend it on me, I eat crackers and drink water, and rarely eat a full meal so that they don't run low on groceries.
I'm working towards a degree in tech or medicine, but can only afford one to two courses a semester, if not one semester a year.
All the while I feel myself slipping into an antisocial, agoraphobic state of paranoia, to a point my melanin count is beyond normally low, my eyes are shadowed, sunken, and silver, my hair is thin, and I'm wondering if it's even worth giving a shot anymore when nothing has worked out so far. I'm a ghost in the system anyway, only 5 people would be impacted.
Life is going great, OP, even though its shit. I just tell myself to keep hoping. Because in the end, that's all we can ever do.
I do miss her though. Without her, there is no joy in my life anymore.