You're trying to find a girl because you think it'll make you fee better about yourself. This is gonna sound normie as fuck, but stop trying to get to know women just for the sake of dating them. It can get easier to talk to women when you becomes friends with them. Work on yourself to get to a point where you don't absolutely hate yourself, maybe make some female friends, and then try to find someone to date.
t. an anon who has the same problem