I KNOW it is possible to feel happy, and I believe I'm naturally an optimistic person, and I know when there are flashes of things that actually excite me that music sounds amazing again and that life in general feels normal and non bothersome living. I need to get back to that and I still have hopes I will. I know all things are simply because of random circumstances and my decisions how to act upon them, I just feel frustrated as fuck that it was all happening like this. I don't think it's impossible, it's just that I gotta find something that's really gotta pull me out this dump, I'll settle for a fun life of hedonism and a gnawing feeling of not living up to what I wanted and my neverending existential crisis in the back, it would be far more enjoyable than this and it might turn out to let the existential bullshit fuck off
I realize now that this has been written like a wall of text and I don't really expect people to read through it, hell I don't even know if I'll find the right pic for this, but I just feel a tad better now after ranting and collecting my thoughts like this and thank you OP for that.
Also many many pics I saved and I really feel for all of you, it's always beautiful in a way to see people just pour their soul out and show their true feelings, and it's a rare thing to see.
Keep your fucking head up anons, we might just make it, never give up fuck shit up!