Past week has been hitting hard, that kind of depression that makes your clothes feel ten pounds heavier. After a long day of work I kissed my fiance goodnight and said I was going to lay down. I laid in bed for quite some time thinking about doubt, fears, regrets, and hate. I'm pulled out of it by her knocking on the door and a worry in her voice, as I accidentally locked the bedroom door behind me.
She grabs me and starts crying, knowing what I have been going through, asking me if I would ever... We both knew suicide. I hushed her and grabbed her tighter assuring her no. She tells me about a video she saw of a small child crying for her father, who had committed suicide.
That broke me, she knew I had suicidal thoughts before, never a plan. I was thinking about it in bed right before she came in though.