I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, OP.
Truly I am, I know how difficult it is to lose someone that close to you.
Exactly two months ago, the girl I loved died, from what appears to have been a suicide.
I only share this with you so that you know that you are not alone in dealing with loss, others know how you feel and I'm sure there are those who are willing to help you cope in this time.
I'm not going to lie to you, it will be difficult, it's emotionally trying and exhausting.
Regardless of what you're feeling I hope you don't do anything rash, there are people who love you.
You may not know me and I don't know you but I'm with you in spirit OP, lending you whatever strength I can.
I know you might not want to think about the wake and funeral, but know that we're there with you, man.
I apologize if I'm rambling or if I'm projecting myself here, I really do want to help you and hope that I am providing even a bit of comfort.
Ever since her passing I hate knowing that others have to suffer losses as well.