Sometimes emotional trauma can lead to some sort of "feedback" of your desires onto something else in your life.
If the person you had feelings for was someone that became fundamental to who you are, it can lead to self-blaming (most common), self-harm (stay away, slippery slope) and potentially portray yourself as what the other wanted.
Apparently you had feelings like this in the past where you might want to be a woman (normal thoughts, can happen to anyone), but currently due to your emotional trauma, I'd say the reason for these thoughts is that your mind is picking up on things to mask/fix the pain (anxiety 101 lads y'all know how it goes).
Most people say "to follow your heart". If we were to listen to our "heart/feelings", I think we can agree our lives will be utter shite.
What I would suggest to you is:
- to first properly accept the situation, if you are still close to said lesbian you can even talk to her if it helps putting your mind to rest.
- properly accept the fact that ofc you are going to be distraught and sad, it's normal, and everything that you feel is normal (it's da truth m8)
- Finally, once you've managed to accept your situation, and recognise that everything is normal and this is just something that happens, look at yourself logically (less emotions=more sense desu), if you recognise that this was just you overreacting or wanting to fix everything unrealistically, keep reminding yourself that shit happens, and it's all OK.
Put it this way, 100% chance every dude ever has thought of sucking a dick, doesn't mean you're gay tho, it's normal that your mind comes up with shit.
Hopefully this'll help you anon, got this thread booked so if you need anything else give us a holla.