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Say it

No.7124950 ViewReplyOriginalReport
Whatever is on your mind anon. Get it off your chest. Happy stuff is welcome too. I'll start.

I have no control over my life. Two years ago I moved to a different country because the girl I was absolutely in love with asked me to. She then dumped me after five months. Since then I've been having trouble with housing. One year ago I thought I would move back to my own country, but an unfortunate series of events rendered me without a place to live. Since then I've had the worst of luck. Next weeks marks the date of me being officially homeless for a year.

In the meantime, this other girl from the country I left asked if we could continue seeing each other. I wanted to close the chapter and leave the country behind me, but she insisted and we've been seeing each other every month for at least a week ever since. Do the maths, that's more than 12 weeks last year, 3 months of, basically, holidays. She's a surgeon. Smart and attractive. A great catch. But I turn completely passive. I let her cross all my borders. I have my dreams and aspirations but cast those aside for the sake of the desires of others.

It's a pattern. Same thing happened 6 years ago, only that time it was a borderliner who terrorized my life for 2 years. The same thing happens with my family, and sometimes even with friends. I let everyone take control over my life and I'm very bad at just saying no.

I'm afraid I'll look back at the end of my life to find I've only been letting other people decide its course for me.

>tl;dr I'm shit at saying no and as a result I let people I care for cross my borders and I feel like I have no control over my life