I took Zoloft for 4 days, it stopped after I punched my father. Completely out of character for me back then and now.>Do you know what its like to be in front of food and a good family, and starve?
Not the good family part, but I do. I socially isolated myself for a month to, in a really round about way, deal with my Hopefully last bout of depression. I suffered paranoia, lost 30lbs of muscle, shattered my mind, and had some pretty vivid hallucinations. I hammered into my mind all the while, I will leave, in a body bag or on my own. Towards the end of the month I was able to start pulling myself together, but that was more due to my discipline than anything else.
What made fucked me was that I had lost my job, had to put my dog down and my parent's started to prey upon me in my weakened state, saying they love me and using me. That might not make any sense but their marriage is in shambles and my mother doesn't get romantic affection from my father and my father doesn't get any social interaction outside of the immediate family. They are both incredibly dishonest, selfish, and they lie to themselves constantly. For example, my father gets up in the morning to tell himself how great a person he is... I don't want to explain how he isn't.
Because they won't confront their own shortcomings, they pawn it off on me. You're a selfish loser that will never do anything with his life. You're the worst that humanity has to offer. Just give up, it's not worth it. No one will ever want to be your friend. I love you. You're selfish just like your father. I don't care. I don't know how I can love some one like you. etc. etc. etc.
I've tried and almost succeeded in killing myself before so I knew I could do it, my brother stopped me thankfully. So I did what I did, I locked myself in my bedroom with a fork, went with out food, exercise, internet, sun, for multiple days on end and the only people I saw, twice that month, were the ones that went to Walmart at 2am.