It seems the closer I get to actually getting a normal social/love life the less I feel I actually want one. I don't like the personality I show others because I'll either be "funny" or boring. I also push any fantasies out of my head because I feel like I don't "deserve" to dream about the life I want because "If you don't think you could get it in real life why even think about it".
I'm not even back at college a week and I'm already sick of it. It feels actually worse than it did last semester, like more boring than usual. I take too long to do shit that should take 15 minutes because I'm goofing off and only have limited free time because I goof off. I'm also getting more existentially dreadly too. Sometimes when I'm lying in bed I ask myself "Where is my life even going? Where will I be after I graduate?"
Sorry for sounding like a whiny bitch but I don't have anyone I feel I can talk to about this to other than online
On a positive note I like >>7354850
's image, you can tell he's been through a lot because he listens to others rather than vents about his own life.