thanks bruh. >>7642444
theres a part of me that is like, okay cool. i have this new sense of freedom. but its the little shit like how she smells. the quirks. its fucking gone. I can understand it being a year or two. but twelve fucking years. >>7642527
its not even that. its that i don't want to talk to anyone about it. they all saw us as that couple that would last. they were just meant to be together type of thing. helped a friend today. so glad he likes to talk because there was nothing in me that wanted any of that today. >>7642784
ya know, i hope so too. but i have the philosophy that we all play into our parts regardless of how we feel. there's things i hate about myself that i try to fix all the time, but i see a pattern throughout humanity and there i am. right there with them. destined to fucking flounder. always trying to get a leg up. always trying to be a better person, but deep down i'm a piece of shit. >>7642800
she said that she doesn't know when she felt this way. when she felt that it was time to move on, but she knew she had to. I even asked her why she even wanted to get married. she said she didn't know. because she was the one who was like, we should get married. so i was hopeful. things are going good. the fact that i'm trying is getting somewhere. but the past month, she could barely look me in the eye. i know nobody gives a shit. this isn't even why i'm random fucking strangers. i just know that you all will be brutally honest and i need that. because there's never been a time where i haven't been in my own head. i had a traumatic childhood. raised by a single mother who never let me out of her sight, so letting go of shit is fucking detrimental to me. i'm just glad shes a good person who isn't out to get the few pennies i have. i even asked if she was willing to still be friends, because i love her family and i don't want to lose any of them and thank god she said yes.