Why America is the Best:
-Brits started the colony but Americans were all "Fuck Eurofags!" America proceeds to own the Brits and reject their tea in favor
-War of 1812: Brits try again. Result: FAILURE!
-America then expands to the Pacific, owning Native Americans and Mexico along the way. MANIFEST DESTINY, BITCH!
-America has a civil war, pretty much because the rest of the world was made up of pussies, so we fought ourselves because we're so METAL!
-WWI: Eurofags try and reenact the American civil war, they fail miserably, we bail their asses out
-The Great Depression was so great, the rest of the world suffered for it
-WWII: Eurofags try again at the whole civil war reenactment, fail again, America develops nuclear weapons
-Post-WWII: America rules the world through different means; We fuck over the Commies hard because they are Commie bastards and they suck, like Nazis
-Present Day: Team America: World Police; Team Europe: World Faggots
-The Future: America remains on the forefront of technological breakthroughs, leading to a cure for all diseases, lasers, and other things that are awesome. Europe is consumed by the Zombie Apocalypse because they are too busy sucking to fight back.