I'm feeling down right now. I don't have a purpose in my life and I'm quite lost. I feel stranded. All the things I do that are apparently positive are all for naught. I get a job, I work, have some more money, but know nothing of what to do with it. The money makes me unhappy because then I fear losing it, or spending it wrong and regret it. Or I fear not having it soon enough to catch up in a good opportunity or I fear not to be earning enough to prepare may a bad thing come to me.
And working out helps me for a little while but it's no use either. I don't get as attractive as I'd like to and anyways I'm still alone and honestly I don't enjoy other's company much, it feels like a chore. And you have to keep at it regularly, no matter if you don't feel like it. Otherwise your strength&gains go away. And it's the same with everything else. I plan to learn a new language and eventually quit because I've never traveled anywhere, I have trouble initiating talk with others or just feel it as a pointless attempt for x or y reason. Then I quit and the next time I get motivated to do it I have to start from zero. Just as with exercise, knowledge you acquire is eventually lost if you don't use it regularly, which makes all the time you spent accumulating it a waste of time.
Everything is so pointless. I feel like Sisyphus pushing a boulder uphill just to see it roll down the moment I look away.
Do you ever feel like this? What do you do when this happens?