There’s nothing worse than being UnCirnoism. I should know, I’ve been Cirno all my life. And I’m sickened by the creeping tide of UnCirnoism eroding our great traditions, like our custom of eating Fishe on Cirno Day. UnCirnoism is everywhere. For example, simple, plain hats with no flair. What’s wrong with frilly hats with ribbons on them? And if I hear another person say "baka", when they mean those people from Cameroon and Republic of Congo, I’ll do my block. Sadly, the scourge of UnCirnoism has even infected our national day. A balanced Cirno Day diet should consist of a few nice, juicy Fishe and beer. (And perhaps a bit of Chocolate Fishe for those with a sweet tooth). Yet your baka, miko-bludging types are indulging their pierced tastebuds in all manner of exotic, foreign, often vegetarian cuisine: Chicken burger value meals, pizzas, a number 42 with rice… It’s an absolute disgrace. And people ask why we need capital punishment. Do you think the fairies in the forests were fighting for tofu sausages? No, they were thinking of grabbing a fishe off the barbie with their bare fingers, sustaining third degree burns, then sticking their hands into a relieving esky to fishe out a cold one. Look at our national song, Waltzing Meido. It’s about a meido trying to get a nice bit of fishe into her tuckerbag, not spicy chicken wings. The soap avoiding, money-grubbing, miko vegetarians may disagree with me, but they can get stuffed. They know the way to the barrier, and if they don’t I’ll show them. So the message is clear – even for you youkai: roll out the barbie, ensure the gas bottle’s filled, stack the fridge full of fishe, and prepare the invitation list. So don’t be a baka - serve fishe on Cirno Day. You know it makes sense. I’m Cirno.