Also as I said before you should plead insanity for the lulz mate, it'd be so fucking based, now that this is sinking all in wtf this must be quite the shitshow for PD.
But if that doesn't work and you get locked up: as soon as you get in there you walk straight up to the toughest guy and punch him right in the fucking face to assert your dominance, now everyone will be crowded around the fresh meat who just knocked out the toughest guy, then start calling everyone bitches and ask for somebody in the crowd to step up and grab the inside of your pocket, and if no one steps up, you're gonna have to pick someone for yourself, this way you can lose your virginity but u don't have to be the guy getting fucked.
Now if somebody snitches and you have to go to court for assault, plead epicness, and claim that you're too seigepilled for a mere jail, you wanna go to the United States Penitentiary, Administrative Maximum Facility, the most dangerous prison in the entirety of the United States, if they do not send you here, get up instantly in the courtroom and slaughter all the police, then sit down cooly like the Joker from batman and act all epic as if nothing just happened.
Now you're being transferred to the most dangerous prison in the area, as soon as you get in, go up to the toughest guy in there and you gently peck him on the lips with a little bit of tounge, then he slaps you across the face, forces you to the ground and starts fucking your ass.
You then win reddit and the internet because the security camera is filming this and it'll end up on r/epicfails under the title "OMFG, SCRAWNY GINGER THINKS HE'S A BADASS BUT THE HE ENDS UP GETTING BLACKED BY THE TOUGHEST NIGGA IN PRISON"
Alright imma go now.