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My Wife Lilly Is So Cute

ID:PpYweNsW No.7876264 ViewReplyOriginalReport
Lilly is the perfect girl, the perfect girl to bully. I'm so sad she isn't real, because I can think of so many ways to torment her.

> You will never rearrange the furniture in your house so Lilly can't find anything
> You will never push small objects into her oncoming path so she trips and falls
> You will never grab Lilly from behind and start spinning her so she gets disoriented and lost
> You will never make her dinner and then sneak dirt and hair into each spoonful before she can chew it
> You will never watch hardcore pornography on mute with Lilly as she sits next to you oblivious
> You will never shout "LILLY MY HEART HELP!" and then stay silent as you watch her run through the house, tears in her eyes as she thinks you're dying (of course the phones are gone and you've locked the doors)
> You will never get close to her and then shout loudly in her ears, frightening her
> You will never do Lilly's laundry and write mean things on her clothes in marker, knowing she's going out for the day
> You will never prepare a romantic evening for Lilly, then invite your friend Tyrone to take your place in the bedroom
> You will never watch as Lilly's belly grows and she tells you she's pregnant
> You will never stifle your laughter as Lilly cradles her growing baby bump, telling you how much she loves you as is excited to have your child
> You will never rush Lilly to the hospital when it's time
> You will never watch as Lilly's tired smile turns to a look of shock as the doctor remarks that the child is obviously black
> You will never yell at Lilly, accusing her of infidelity and calling her a whore as she tries desperately to defend herself
> You will never see the tears falling from her eyes as you call her garbage and demand a divorce
> You will never check up on Lilly years later and see she's a single mother living in a small apartment

It just isn't fair guys, why can't she be REAL?