I'm currently working at some prominent technology firm in california. I got my degree in physics last year and then I went to work for them in october. The pay is decent, but I always seem to have a bunch of work that I don't care about and I don't have much motivation to do competently. A lot of it is grunt work i think. my coworkers probably think i'm retarded since I don't know anything and I don't feel motivated to do well so I appear lazy and stupid. this is all my opinion of course, i have no idea what they actually think.
i have a really bad "lens" on life. i have extremely negative thoughts about myself and have few meaningful relationships due to my attitude. i feel that people dont want to talk with me because of my negativity and i guess thats a self fulfilling prophecy. i think my negativity is perceived as aloofness. its funny tho since i am really good at faking being happy. i can do a legit smile at will(moving the muscles near your eyes) and i do it a lot. i dont know why i smile so much subconsciously cause it definitely doesnt reflect my real attitude.
ive been trying to change how i view myself so i feel empowered to do stuff instead of feeling like a leaf floating in the wind. i dont want to wake up one day and be 30 and alone. ive recently been listening to the art of charm podcast and thats changed my attitude a little bit. i just gotta keep it up.
thanks for the thread