I know I'll appear to be the bad guy in this as I'm manipulating myself like a sociopath to get what I need, but it truly is what must be done. The air force wont kick me out unless I tell them I'm suicidal which I wont do even if I truly am.. my pride will get in the way of it. Not to mention the other ramifications that will have once I return to civilian life.
What little ways I have to cope are primarily poetry. I like to write it and placed 3rd in state while representing my high school so I know I have a knack for it. It more or less helps me understand what and how I'm feeling, so long as I write it as it comes to me and don't retroactively edit it. In fact, if anyone gave a fuck, I'll share my most recent one. Youll be the only ones to have seen it and probably ever will.
Good luck out there, anons. Find your way. Stop watching porn, too.