Personally, I've been noticing how for the past 8 years or so, I don't know how to fully react to shit that happens to me, and instead of crying about it, coming to understandings, or straight up forgetting about it, it just seems to reside in the back of my head. I remember a lot if not all of the dumb stuff I did as a kid, all the embarrassing moments and failures.
The only thing that makes me feel whole is being alone, but then being alone makes me, well, alone. So I have these constant back and forths between wanting to have friends, hang out, do stuff, have a gf, etc etc., and then just staying inside and doing nothing. I feel like I'm so behind on social interaction that I don't have a clue how to talk to people, especially women who might actually be interested in me.
To add onto that, I've basically just been running from all the things and people that have embarrassed me in the past (friends I've argued with, my "ex", etc etc). I unfollow them, unfriend them, leave myself on private, and never message them again. I want to run from all this again; whether I will, I do not know yet.>>7596261
Hope you push through man.