She left me because I was a drunk and because I was unhappy; not with her but with the world. And now she's realized that the world is shit and yet still doesn't want a life with me. It's blatantly obvious she just doesn't want me anymore, but it's like we both refuse to come to terms with that after six years. Maybe she feels stupid now realizing why I am a drunk. Maybe my martyr complex is more than a complex.
Regardless of what is or what isn't I hate myself everyday for not doing what needs to be done and just ending it with her and devoting myself to what I believe in. I can't help it though. I can't just leave the thing that made my life.
I just wanted something to die for for so fucking long until I came across her and after realizing I didn't want that I'm just a lost fucking puppy and I fucking hate myself for that